Since I’m not qualified for any jobs other than folksy observational humorist on the internet (penis jokes) and underwear model, I haven’t worked in an office in like ten years. So it’s a little hard for me to relate to this bit. First of all, people still eat lunch? That is so cute! Anyhoooo, friend of the List debbiedavissq is fucking pissed at you guys, so that’s good enough for me.
Hey you, over there, shoveling that microwaved lean cuisine “food” into your face. You can’t take a ten minute break to eat your lunch away from your desk? Oh I get it, you are way busier than the rest of us. Us lazies need a few minutes to think about something other than how our jobs are crushing our souls. I know you are passionate about what you do, but guess what, your job is entering numbers into a spreadsheet and discovering the eccentricities that exist within Microsoft Office. It won’t kill ya to take a knee for moment.
I get it, you want the boss to think that you are the hardest working SOB ever to step foot into this special office space. You think that if you look like you are working the hardest it will be you who receives that long awaited promotion. Well you know what? It can be a little difficult to taste, chew and swallow while typing away on your computer. I have tried it, and now there are crumbs all over the place. Don’t you know that a messy cube leads to less productivity? I read that on the internet during one of my ten hourly breaks. So clean that mess up dude and get outside for five minutes, you are actually fucking yourself (and not in the good way).